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Author Topic: Joke list including the 3 unwritten rules of life  (Read 753 times)


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Joke list including the 3 unwritten rules of life
« on: March 13, 2018, 02:59:06 pm »

The 3 unwritten rules of life...

Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I'm pretty bad at building fences
Oops, wrong place for this post.

[my first day as a car salesman]
Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.

RIP boiling water.
You will be mist.

A student spent an entire summer going to the football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.


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Re: Joke list including the 3 unwritten rules of life
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2018, 03:10:32 pm »

Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator 
Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.
Q: What is the most hardworking part of the eye? A: the pupil
Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed.
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks.
Q: What do you call a baby monkey? A: A Chimp off the old block.
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver.
Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream.
Q: How do you make holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it!
Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A: A stamp.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer!
Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A: A penny.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? A: Because he had no-body to go with.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path.
Q: What washes up on very small beaches? A: Microwaves! Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? A: The road!
Q: What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? A: the Telephone.
Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck!